Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my shit smells like andre
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
