i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I could make wine with my vomit
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
