Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
