well I can't set my house on fire every night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
