she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
