kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
