I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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