i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
