i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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