New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
