Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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