The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
