she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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