Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
