My first STD was from a foam party
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
