HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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