make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
