I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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