my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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