And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
