when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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