I love black thongs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We need to get me chipped asap
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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