She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
