TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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