I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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