dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
