So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
