Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
