She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
