i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
