trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
