i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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