HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
