My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
