hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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