3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
