I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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