no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
