We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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