Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
