i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
