So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize