Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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