$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
