I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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