I heard we made out
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
