Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm too high and old for this...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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