when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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