I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
