I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
