And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
