he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
