her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
