Do you still have your period?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
