I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
