So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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