In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
