when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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