apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
