like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize