Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize