the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
