she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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